It’s that time of year when the days get shorter, there is a chill in the air (especially if you’re in Vermont) and everyone is looking forward to the numerous holidays that adorn the months of November, December and January. When ChatGPT was asked how it would describe, what has ostensibly been referred to as The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, it said: “’The most wonderful time of the year’ refers to the Christmas/Hanukkah Holiday season, characterized by a joyful atmosphere filled with family gatherings, festive decorations, gift-giving, singing, sharing meals, and a general sense of warmth and togetherness. Key elements of ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ include family reunions, holiday decorations, giving gifts and winter activities.” That’s lovely, but it’s not the reality for many people. The holidays often bring with them confusing, messy feelings and memories.
We are bombarded with the holiday spirit from October 1st through the end of year, overloading us with not-so-subtle messages to spend money and to be “merry.” For those who have experienced the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be especially difficult. There are also many people who come from troubled/fractured families, have been in the foster care system or have otherwise complicated histories that impact them this time of year. Others may battle mental health difficulties or are in recovery from substance use. There are a multitude of unseen reasons that friends or those we love might not enjoy all the hectic holiday festivities happening right now.
Here are some thoughtful, compassionate ways to support those who may be struggling during the holidays:
- Acknowledge Their Struggles—Be compassionate: Understand that the holidays can be emotionally overwhelming. Let them know you’re aware that this is a tough time. Offer validation: Use phrases like, “I know this time of year can be hard for you,” or “I’m here for you, no matter what you need.” Check in regularly: Sometimes, people in need may not reach out for help. A simple text, call, or message to check on them can make a huge difference.
- Respect Their Boundaries—Be understanding of their limits: If they don’t want to engage in certain activities or attend gatherings, respect that. Don’t push them to do things they’re not ready for. Offer alternatives: Instead of suggesting they “just come to the party,” offer one-on-one time in a quiet, low-pressure setting, like a walk or a small coffee date. Avoid forcing holiday cheer: Some people may find the expectations of happiness and festivities overwhelming, so be mindful of the atmosphere you create.
- Create Opportunities for Connection—Invite them without pressure: Offer invitations to gatherings but emphasize that it’s okay if they don’t attend. Knowing they have the option may ease feelings of isolation. Offer companionship: Suggest low-key activities, like watching a holiday movie together or cooking a meal, that allow for connection without overwhelming them.
- Offer Practical Help—Offer assistance with tasks: If they’re struggling with day-to-day responsibilities, offer to help with errands, cooking, shopping, or childcare. Sometimes, these small gestures can make a huge difference.
- Be Patient—Don’t rush healing: Understand that grief, recovery from addiction, or mental health struggles can take time. It’s important to offer ongoing support, even after the holidays are over. Understand that some days will be harder than others: Give them the grace to have difficult days without judgment.
- Encourage Meaningful Ways to Honor Their Loss—Create a ritual: If they’re grieving a loved one, suggest ways they might honor that person, like lighting a candle in their memory, sharing stories about them, or creating a photo album. Celebrate in their own way: If the traditional way of celebrating isn’t helpful to them, support their choice to mark the season in a way that feels right for them, whether that’s a quiet reflection or a private activity.
Looking for a way to support someone in recovery during the holidays? Here are some great tips courtesy of the Hazelton Betty Ford Foundation.
